Boling
teenage sex by James
Most teenagers do not have a way of fully understanding in advance the intensity of emotions they are likely to experience the first time they engage in a sexual relationship. Their capacity for managing emotions and making good judgments continues to develop into young adulthood.
Clinically, I see far too many teenagers with symptoms of anxiety or depression, problems with substance abuse or self-injurious behavior because they were not yet mature enough for sex.
“Accepting attitudes” about sexual behavior under the family’s roof may reduce conflict between parents and their teenagers, but at what cost to the emotional well-being of our kids?
STEPHEN GRCEVICH
Chagrin Falls, Ohio, July 24, 2011
The writer is an associate professor of psychiatry at Northeast Ohio Medical University.
To the Editor:
As a pediatrician and the mother of a 16-year-old daughter, I found that “The Sleepover Question” reinforced what I have found to be true in my practice and personal experience. American parents are deluding themselves if they think that preventing a boyfriend from spending the night in their daughter’s bedroom precludes sexual intimacy. Rather, what it does do, too often, is preclude the use of contraceptives.
Countless times I have had girls confide to me that their parents “would kill” them if the parents found out that they were having sex. These same young women are the ones who often admit that they are not using birth control. The rare teenager whose parent is not clueless turns out to be the one who is practicing safe sex.
Condoms should be used to prevent sexually transmitted diseases, but I have found that consistent condom use is also correlated with more openness about sexual activity. If a parent finds a condom wrapper, the girl knows that her illicit activity will be discovered.
The involvement of a parent (virtually always the mother) makes getting contraceptives much easier. It is far easier to obtain birth control pills when a girl does not have to schedule her own appointment, go to the pharmacy herself and then hide the packet where no one will see it.
American parents need to wake up and realize that if teenagers want to have sex, they are going to find a time and a place to have it. Pretending otherwise is just increasing the risk that the sexual activity will have unwanted consequences.
Amy Schalet asks us to compare American “cultural ideas” and those prevalent in the Netherlands when determining a parental response to teenage sexual activity “under my roof.” While her discussion hinges on sexual mores, I recall seeing the social destruction wrought by the infamous Needle Park in Amsterdam and its storefront red light district as other examples of the Dutch model of “divergent cultural ideas.”
Different ideas are not always better ideas.
JAMES M. BOLING
Richland, Ga., July 28, 2011
Correction: August 3, 2011
The letter from Richland, Ga., refers incorrectly to Needle Park. The park, which was closed in 1992, was in Zurich, not Amsterdam.
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